Rather depressed lately....

Data-taking phase of the experiment has ended, and now it's all analysis. Which means that I have to sit in front of the computer the whole time. It's fine by itself, but over time it can be annoying if one continues to do so continually.

The progress....is not so good in my opinion. A lot of work has been put in coordination in software (nothing to do with physics in this part), and it took way longer than it really should. Now finally the real analysis starts rolling, and I got some preliminary result. Only preliminary. And it's been more than 3 weeks.

A bigger problem is probably that I don't know how much work is okay. I keep advancing, but I don't know whether my progress is considered, by other, slacking off or not. And since most of the work are groundwork to setup for analysis, I don't really have anything big yet. It makes me nervous.

Another thing is that we don't have a clear analysis plan. I was told that the plan was forming, but then, now, after three weeks, all I got is some suggestions of the things that might be interesting to look at. I feel like I'm walking in the dark. I can't really see where to go, yet I try to find something useful. And lately I've been feeling burned down, so exhausted that after work the only thing I want to do is get some rest and do literally nothing.

So, the things I wanted to do over the summer in my free time have been stalled for a while. I can't just waste time here, but really, I feel like I'm kidnapped and don't really have a choice. And I got an email just now, "FHead can give a short update on very interesting analysis". Sigh. I want a break. And please let me accumulate more stuff before making me give a presentation.

On top of all that, the relatively simple environment gives me a good amount of time facing myself. There is a big portion of solitude in everyday life. Working, eating, sleeping, and repeat. The busy work doesn't make it better. I hope it did, but instead it just makes me feel more lonely. Just like the old days when I just started undergraduate study. There are things that you think are gone already, but in these moments when you are all by yourself, they will come back and haunt you.

Maybe I should just take a couple of days off and go travel somewhere. There are tons of places I wanted to visit. Really, I can't just waste time burning myself with work and work alone.